Couple's Fight Night (Comic Book)

ACT 1

Page 1 (Splash page)

CAPTION: Welcome to Sallie’s Saloon – The Wildest in the West! Location: Town of Steam - Population 701.

PANEL 1. (Full page)

Bar owner SALLIE SADCHEEKS leans against the far end of a beautiful western bar, smiling while chatting with SHERIFF COLT McCoy. They haven’t noticed an angry looking man has entered the saloon. She flirts with the Sheriff as he flirts back. He’s sitting at the bar facing her. TOM COLLINS is cleaning glasses a few feet away and a sign behind him says, “Sallie’s Saloon – The Wildest in the West”.

SALLIE: Oh, Sheriff, I’ll bet you say that to all the pretty ladies.

SHERIFF: You can call me Colt, ma’am.

Inset - PANEL 2. The angry man, JIM, glares off panel. He’s wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase.

Page 2

PANEL 1. Jim is standing at the other end of bar away from Colt and hands Sallie a paper. She looks irritated.

SALLIE: >Sighing< Really, Jim? Right now? Can’t you see I’m busy?

JIM: Sorry, Sallie, not today. The bank’s done waitin’.

PANEL 2. Close up of the paper, which says NOTICE OF FORECLOSURE. We are looking over the Jim’s shoulder and see that Sallie has a look of shock on her face.

PANEL 3. Sallie leans forward, showing more than ample cleavage.

SALLIE: C’mon, Jim. How’s about giving me another extension? I’m good for it.

PANEL 4. Jim stares at her cleavage. Cleavage takes up most of this panel in regard to showing Sallie at all. Artist’s discretion on how best to do this panel, profile or over Jim’s shoulder.

PANEL 5. Jim turns away. His profile is shown, and Sallie is in the corner frame with a look of alarm on her face.

JIM: Not this time.

PANEL 6. Tom joins Sallie’s side. She anxiously stares at the foreclosure notice.

TOM: What are you going to do?

SALLIE: I don’t know, Tom.

SALLIE - THOUGHT: Oh, shit.

Page 3

PANEL 1. Sallie Sadcheeks is shown crunching numbers on paper at the bar. LILY CUSHYBOTTOM, the town lush, is perched upon a barstool.

SALLIE - THOUGHT: Shit, shit, shit. I’ll never make this kind of money in time slingin’ drinks. Well…there’s always a return to the world’s oldest profession.

INSET – Sallie and looks depressed.

PANEL 3. Sallie’s facing Lily when Lily, leaning on the bar, says something.

SALLIE: What’s that, Lily?

LILY: Yooooou…

Lily tips back her drink.

LILY: …should host a singles night.

PANEL 4. Lily perks up a little. Side view of both women. Sallie has a polite smile affixed to her face and starts wiping the bar.

LILY: You know…get all the fellas out.

PANEL 4. Tom Collins joins Sallie’s side at the bar. Sallie looks anxious. Lily, leaning on the bar, points at Tom.

LILY: Or, a boxing night. Men without shirts. Yeah. Heh, heh.

LILY: >HICCUPS<

PANEL 5. Over their shoulders we see a couple at a table erupt into an animated argument. People stare.

PANEL 6. We are back to Tom, Sallie and Lily at the bar. Tom and Sallie are conspiratorial. It’s a dark setting, only profiles, everything blacked out, face to face.

SALLIE: What if I were able to come up with the money?

TOM: How?

Page 4

CAPTION: Previously…

PANEL 1: A couple sits at a table in the bar. The woman looks irritated. The man is glancing sideways at Lily’s curvy bottom overlapping the barstool, which is parked not far from where they are sitting.

PANEL 2: Over Sallie’s shoulder, we see the woman stand up and angrily slap the man. People stare.

INSET – close up of just her hand hitting his face.

SFX – CRRRRACK!

PANEL 3: The woman storms away, while the man sits alone and looks at his drink. People duck their heads, pretending they didn’t see it.

PANEL 4: Back at the bar, Sallie’s struck with an idea. Tom watching the action, too, off to the side in the shadows.

SALLIE THOUGHT: LAWD have mercy. I wonder…

PANEL 5: Sallie leans over and kisses Lily’s cheek. Lily is still slumped on the bar, but with a smile.

SALLIE: Lily, you’re brilliant!

LILY: >slurs< You’re my best friend.

PANEL 6: Tom is next to Sallie and she has a sly look with Lily passed out off to the side. Tom looks curious.

SALLIE: I think I might know a way to keep the bar, but it might not be the most, uh…ethical solution.

TOM: You know McCoy ain’t gonna allow any ladies of the night in here. Took forever to clean this town up.

SALLIE: No, not that. But I will need your help.

TOM: I’m with ya…I think. Wait, what am I agreeing to?

Page 5

CAPTION: Sunday church service, four days later.

PANEL 1. Group shot in a church. Several couples are gathered in seats up front and are being counseled by a PASTOR. Group shot. The arguing couple from the bar are front and center. Pastor is shown from behind.

PASTOR: Love is patient, love is kind…

PANEL 2. Close up on pastor who speaks with passion.

PASTOR: It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

PASTOR: It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered—

PANEL 3. Sallie has entered the room and is standing next to the pastor tapping his shoulder.

SALLIE: Excuse me, but there’s someone asking for you outside. Says it’s urgent.

PANEL 4. Pastor leaves with a surprised look on his face.

PANEL 5. Group shot. Sallie stands before the couples, who are watching with curiosity.

SALLIE: Ladies, gentlemen. I have a proposition that could be of some interest to you, and it’s a guaranteed investment in your marriages.

Page 6

Caption: Saturday Night at Sallie’s Saloon.

PANEL 1. We peer through the doorway into the back room. There’s a banner that says COUPLE’S FIGHT NIGHT and part of an old boxing ring. A woman is chasing her husband around the ring with a wooden spoon.

PANEL 2. We are inside the room and the full banner and ring are in view, along with a smattering of people. The woman in the ring smacks her husband’s butt with the spoon. The crowd laughs and cheers.

SFX: CRAAAACK!

PANEL 3. He looks shocked and holds his bottom. He’s on his knees, facing her as she stands over him. On the side of the ropes, Lily referees.

HUSBAND: Okay, okay! I’ll teach you to drive the carriage. No more!]

PANEL 4. Lily Cushybottom is in the ring, raising the smiling woman’s hand, which is still holding the wooden spoon. The smattering of people are cheering. The husband is in the background, looking like a loser.

LILY: Your winner of Couple’s Fight Night - Mrs. Betty Thompson!

PANEL 5. Back in the bar, PRINCIPAL VERNON sits at the bar with a drink. Tom is off to the side, with a rag in his hand. Side view.

VERNON: How’s business, Tom?

TOM: Same old.

THOUGHT: Here it comes…

VERNON: I mean, your new business. Seem’s Sallie’s has a lot going on lately.

TOM: No idea what you mean, Vernon.

TOM THOUGHT: God, I hate being right.

VERNON: What’s the Sheriff think about the backroom goings-on?

PANEL 6. Tom is watching Vernon like a hawk as Vernon stands up to leave.

TOM: >sighs< You got that money you owe me?

VERNON: No, I do not.

VERNON THOUGHT: Yet.

VERNON: Soon. I promise.

TOM: I’m holding you to that.

Page 7:

PANEL 1: It’s evening and there’s a line queuing to get through the door and into the back room of Sallie’s Saloon. Over the people, we see Sallie behind the bar with a pleased look on her face. Vernon sits at the bar with a grin.

VERNON: I’ve never seen this place so busy, Sallie.

SALLIE: Ain’t that the truth.

THOUGHT: Can’t really hide it anymore.

VERNON: Are you hosting the world’s greatest burlesque show back there?

PANEL 2: Close up of Vernon and Sallie talking.

SALLIE: Why don’t you go see for yourself, Vernon? Entrance fee is one dollar.

VERNON: One dollar?! What if I don’t like it?

SALLIE: Haven’t had to refund anyone yet.

PANEL 3: Inside the back room, there are three people in the ring, a man and two women. Both women are beating on him: one from the front, the other is on his back, piggy-back style. The room is packed full and people are cheering like crazy.

Lily is standing with a microphone.

LILY: Remember the rules, ladies and gent! No hitting above the neck. One more violation and I will have this fight stopped!

PANEL 4: Vernon’s eyes widen at the scene in front of him. He’s off to the side watching both the ring drama and the cheering crowd.

VERNON THOUGHT: I want in.

PANEL 5: Vernon grabs Lily Cushybottom’s arm as she walks by.

VERNON: Hey, Lily, what is this?

LILY: Oh, hey Vern. It’s the preliminaries for the Ultimate Domestic Championship. I’m betting Mr. Johnson wins this round.

PANEL 6: Vernon’s eyes light up and he has money in his hand. Lily is looking at him.

VERNON: Where can I place my wager?

LILY: Oh, I didn’t mean a real bet. I meant bet as - you know - a figure of speech.

VERNON: Well, let’s see if we can fix that.

Page 8:

CAPTION: Tuesday…

PANEL 1: Couples are duking it out in the ring. Vernon collects bet money.

CAPTION: Thursday…

PANEL 2: Close up on Vernon collecting money as couples fight in the ring in the background.

CAPTION: Friday…

PANEL 3: Couples are fighting, and Vernon is off to the side collecting a payout. Tom, in the corner, is watching Vernon with an irritated look.

TOM THOUGHT: Amazing how he can spend so much on betting, yet not pay me back.

PANEL 4: Sheriff Colt McCoy walks through the door into the darkened fight club room and faces Tom standing in the corner.

COLT: So, Tom…what do we have here?

TOM: Pretty much exactly what you see, Sheriff. Couples beating the shit out of each other.

COLT: Oh, I’m not sure I can abide by that.

PANEL 5: Tom steers Colt back to the bar with an arm around his shoulders. Sallie is at the other end.

TOM: You can, Colt. You know why?

COLT: No, why?

TOM: Because it’s in a safe environment and no one’s getting’ hurt. Little ones don’t have to see it.

Panel 6: Tom hands Colt a beer.

TOM: You ain’t gettin’ summoned out to break it up. And, I might have some solid financial advice for you.

COLT: You don’t say?

Page 9:

PANEL 1: We see Vernon in the back room. He is talking to someone with a notebook/clipboard.

VERNON: I’ve decided to go all in on the final round.

BOOKIE: The way your luck has been, I would do the same exact thing.

PANEL 2: We see Vernon handing over a thick wad of cash with a special money clip. In the darkened corner, Tom is watching.

PANEL 3: We see Tom talking conspiratorially to Sheriff McCoy.

ACT 3

Page 10:

PANEL 1: The sign behind the ring says Domestic Championship Finals! A woman in the ring is beating her husband with a switch.

PANEL 2: He takes the switch and breaks it in two. In the background, Vernon smiles.

SFX: SNAP!

PANEL 3: The woman picks up the pieces of the switch.

PANEL 4: She gives him a low blow using the broken switch pieces. The crowd gasps. Vernon looks devastated.

HUSBAND: Ugggggnnngghhh!

PANEL 5: The man is down on the mat and Lily Cushybottom is putting a crown on the woman. The females in the crowd are cheering like crazy.

PANEL 6: Close up on Vernon, who looks shocked and devastated. In the background is McCoy, who won, hands in the air and looking happy.

VERNON THOUGHT: I’ve lost everything!

Page 11:

CAPTION: One week later…

PANEL 1: The man and his wife from the ring are laughing at the bar with Sallie and Tom. They all have drinks in their hands. Vernon is nursing a drink nearby.

Sallie: Oh, hey Vernon. I wanted to introduce you to Tom’s cousin, Paul.

VERNON – THOUGHT: Wait, what? Cousin?

PANEL 2: Tom is talking to Vernon. The focus is on the two of them. Vernon looks alarmed and confused.

TOM: When you bet against the house, Vern, did you know I we were the house?

TOM: Paul wasn’t big on going down for Mary what with this being a small town and all. Can’t blame him but he took one for the team.

VERNON: What team? Your team?

PANEL 3: The banker, flanked by two armed men, enter the saloon to take control of the establishment.

PANEL 4: Sallie smiles sweetly as she joins Tom, Vernon, Jim the banker and his guards with her Foreclosure Notice in one hand.

TOM: (off panel) Her team.

Page 12:

PANEL 1: Sallie hands the banker the wad of cash with the special money clip. She is smiling.

PANEL 2: Sallie tears the notice in half. The banker, from behind the torn notice, looks surprised.

SFX: Rrrrrrrrrippp!

PANEL 3: Sallie has the wooden spoon in her hand and she’s yelling at the banker, who is already mostly out the front door. Banker’s back is to Sallie as he’s hightailing it away.

SALLIE: If you ain’t looking for a drink or a tanned hide, you’d better never come back here!

THE END.